


Tales from the Earth Court Frat House

by smokingbomber



Series: Drinking Games [6]
Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, Friendship, Multi, no beta we die like prince endymion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24477769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smokingbomber/pseuds/smokingbomber
Summary: A collection of short fics set post-Stars, featuring the cast of the I Guess This Is Growing Up series. Origin continuity is a blend, primarily of the manga and Crystal, with some elements borrowed from Classic. Chapters are set in different years, feature different characters, different relationships, and different ratings; I will indicate in the notes at the beginning of each chapter what the deal is and give any applicable content warnings.
Relationships: Chiba Mamoru & Shitennou, Everyone/Everyone
Series: Drinking Games [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1149497
Kudos: 14





	1. 2019: Mamoru, Zoisite, Nephrite - Ice Cream

**Author's Note:**

> This series assumes that the Dark Kingdom arc happened in 1992, and the ages of the Shitennou are based on those given in the Materials Collection, and Mamoru's age is based on the idea that he was 16 at the very beginning of Dark Kingdom and turned 17 during. I do not keep very good track of how old people are compared to each other with birthdays and times of year taken into account, even in real life, so if you see any corrections that need made, let me know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **prompt:** Mamoru, Zoisite, or maybe Nephrite - ice cream, given by CharlieChaplin2  
>  **genre:** gen, fluff, comedy  
>  **rating:** T for mild innuendo/implied past & future sexytimes  
>  **year:** 2019  
>  **characters:** Mamoru, Nik (Nephrite), Sander (Zoisite)  
>   
> 

"THAT 👏 IS 👏 HOMEMADE 👏 MAKO 👏 ICE 👏 CREAM 👏 how dare you," yelled Nik, only two steps in the door, after roughly thirty full seconds of staring in silent horror at Mamoru and Sander and the floor and the furniture.

The floor, as it happened, was already prone to slippery-when-wet: after far too many incidents of people coming to get Dr. Mamoru to help them stop bleeding copiously, the tragically stained hardwood had been ripped out and replaced with a gloriously pretty tile mosaic and sealed -- as was the cement surface of the balcony -- with three thick coats of epoxy to level it and make it as scratch-and-stain-proof as possible.

Now it was not only wet and slimy from half a tub of homemade ice cream, it was also sticky, and so were the Heir to Earth's Crown and his legendarily beautiful Knight of Healing and Purification. It was on their skin, soaked into their clothes, smeared into their hair (for which Sander would be repeatedly getting revenge for months), and splats of the melted goo were spread astonishingly far and wide across the room.

"It was an accident--" started Mamoru tentatively, then stopped when Nik's expression changed from aggrieved fury to incredulous grievous-bodily-harm-in-the-offing.

"It started as an accident," offered Sander with a nervous laugh, trying to twirl his hair and finding that it stuck to his finger. He looked so distressed that Mamoru was distracted from Nik's pervasive cloud of rage--

\--and leaned up to lick melted chocolate-coffee-swirl off of Sander's face.

This absolutely had the intended effect, making Sander squeal and shove Mamoru's face away, and immediately push his prince down into the mushy puddle of congealing, sticky melt. Sander straddled Mamoru, glaring down in mock outrage. "Ooooh," he said, and then his voice slithered, dragging his expression with it directly into chaotic evil delight, "are you willing to put your money where your mouth is?"

"YOU--" bellowed Nik, then choked on it and flapped his hands, taking a breath to center himself for hopefully more effective yelling. "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TURN THIS INTO ICE CREAM SEXYTIMES IN THE LIVING ROOM! YOU'RE BOTH IN TROUBLE! I'M TELLING USAGI AND KAL AND MAKO!"

This time when the two fortysomething idiots on the floor looked up at Nik, it was completely blankly. "About what?" asked Mamoru, genuinely confused.

Nik sputtered in disbelief. "I can't even-- ice cream waste! Food waste! Mako-ice-cream abuse!"

"So--" hazarded Sander, carefully getting up and leaving a snickering Mamoru in his wake, "--we should invite them?" He slinked across the floor towards Nik, all sweetly menacing intent and the promise of thoroughly enjoying Nik's rapidly approaching doom. Somehow it worked for him, even if every footstep came with a sound like weirdly hollow velcro detaching.

Nik backed up a step, and then another, eyes widening. Continuing his advance and lifting a sticky hand toward Nik's hair, Sander asked with the face of Satan on a sugar high, "Are you actually just jealous--? You know I'm always willing to include you..."

Behind Sander, Mamoru started to get up, slipping twice in the process and finally giving in and just sitting in the puddle of melted ice cream. He was grinning, and probably eating popcorn in his head.

"GET AWAY!" Nik yelled at Sander, his broad back bumping into the doorframe. He scrambled to sidestep out the door properly, both of his hands lifting: one to pull his hair back and hold it away from Sander, the other up in front of him to ward the smaller man off.

"If you tell on us," called Mamoru from the floor, "he'll probably put gum in your hair while you sleep."

Without a word, Nik slammed the door in Sander's face. They heard him stomp away down the hall, and he could hear them laughing their asses off behind him.

With a face like one of Makoto's more magnificently dangerous thunderheads, Nik vowed to eat Mamoru's secret chocolate stash and switch the liquids in all the bottles of Zoisite's bath products.

First he'd go get some ice cream for himself, obviously, and actually *eat it* to set the universe to rights.


	2. 2993: Diana, Nephrite, Zoisite - Bubblegum

Sander knew there was something wrong the second he smelled his most expensive hair mask from the hallway outside his suite.

He knew it was something *really* wrong when he heard woeful kitten squeaking from the doorway.

There was only one kitten in the entire Crystal Palace -- which for a second made him feel weirdly guilty, because what if Diana wanted kitten friends to play with--? But then he remembered that other kittens weren't people-smart and they grew up at cat-speed instead of people-speed and it would probably be depressing for everyone's favorite overintelligent fluffy cuisinart.

By the time he finished dismissing the mental image of a blissed-out King Endymion covered in kittens, he had already vaulted across two rooms, homing in on the squeaking, and landed soundlessly by his bathroom door. That's when he stopped short, because now he could also hear Nik murmuring apologies and muffling sounds of frustration.

He flung open the door, as yet undecided as to whether he was about to be furious or horrified, and stood a foot off the ground to look bigger than he was--

\--and both Nik and Diana looked up in sharp alarm, half-cringing.

That was a feat in and of itself, since Nik was kneeling in front of the sink with the open tub of hair mask next to his elbow, head cocked at a weird angle, and Diana was *in* the sink, somehow connected to his hair, and both a chunk of Nik's hair and Diana's entire side were coated in the delightful-smelling white paste.

Sander stared for a full second. "What the f--udge?" he self-censored, landing, deciding on bafflement rather than either fury or horror, because seriously.

"What are you even--" he started to accuse Nik, and then Diana piped up in her adorably high little voice--

"Sir Sander! Don't be angry please! We tried Sir Nik's hair product first but it wasn't strong enough!"

Sander wasn't sure how to take that. He decided on compliment instead of insult, because it was Diana. "Strong enough for *what*?"

Here was the woe, and Nik's undying chagrin. "Small Lady found Queen Serenity's stash of bubblegum," Diana wailed. "And she was chewing it and then tripped and it came out of her mouth and landed on ME! Sir Nik was trying to help me get it out and then HIS hair got stuck to it too, and--"

"And I didn't want to cut Diana's fur! She'd have a weird-shaped patch of short fur on her back!" Nik finally spoke, eyes wide and pleading.

Wide-eyed pleading Nik was way too good an opportunity, so Sander whipped out his phone (it hadn't been just a phone for centuries but what the hell else are you going to call it) and immediately took a picture of the entire Situation. "Okay," he said soothingly, "stop fussing with it. Stay still. I'm going to get the little comb. Nik, cut your hair so I don't have to lean into your face to fix Diana's tragedy--"

Nik opened his mouth, expression wildly indignant, and then just shut it again. He sighed and went for the scissors. Maybe he could layer it later or something. Layers were in again, right? 

"Stop hesitating," said Sander from the door before vanishing to get the comb, "Diana's dignity is a lot more important than yours. She was born with twice as much as you and you've just kept losing more of yours every day. For a thousand years."


End file.
